Let me sleep

for an eternity

There’s so many things to do in this lifetime

But some days just got me feeling like some kind

And I just don’t know why

In this vast gaping silence

Where everyone wants someone

Everyone wants something

But all I ask for is to sleep for an eternity

And when I awake please let it be past time

Maybe only then can I possibly be fine

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Purposefully

After having all these thoughts, it makes me wonder whether I’m still normal. It’s kinda weird. All these things I’m slowly starting to learn about myself. The changes I personally see that’s happening to me, that others don’t seem to care about.

It’s weird. I’m either really contradictory or really balanced. That in itself is a contradiction. It’s almost in its extremity.

Sometimes- I just can’t. I can’t seem to get ahold of myself. I can’t control these reasonings that go around in its extremities. And its killing me slightly.

If ever people could get inside of my head, would they be like “wtf that’s fill in the blanks yourself)“. Maybe I could think the same of others if I got into their heads. Since that’s what most people are anyways. Maybe I’m not all that special a snowflake. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe its Maybelline.

Sighs, the dramatic irony in it all.

I know (almost) exactly how it is.

It’s just that- I can’t

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

even

We only believe what we want to believe

Do you hate it when people look down on you?

Minimizing the capabilities that you too, doubted about yourself?

You feel angry and upset over the negativity

But deep down inside you know that a part of it is true

And you can’t help but feel even unjustified

Because you too, think that you’re not capable of it

It’s ironic

Yet this other vehement part of you wants to prove it wrong

You can’t take it lying down

Just because she said she was able and she don’t think you’re able

All the more you want to show her you are able

that you were right and she was wrong

 

Because at the end of the day
we only believe in what we want to believe

It scares me

So I came across this quote yesterday:

“The main problem of choosing what to do in life boils down to simple math: every hour you spend on one pursuit is one less spent on another. This problem is so paralyzing that some people never even choose.”

Source

Which really led me to wonder and reevaluate most of the decisions I make on the daily. I have been trying to make more plans for my future recently since I am of the current maturity to do so. I should have started thinking about it long ago but- I just didn’t. I love just cruising through life at times being so carefree. It’s wonderful.

In reality, there isn’t much time for me to be able to enjoy this luxury. Since it was never mine to begin with, all the more I have to find ways and means to upkeep this lifestyle (should I put it that way?) After realizing that I have to somewhat be independent on my own someday, it makes me uncomfortable. It always had but more so now when time is just not on my side anymore.

It’s flooding it’s endless. I tell myself take it one at a time when it starts to suffocate. I don’t know is it just a 20-year-old, naive and ‘me’ thing or what? But after doing a bit of planning, it makes me withdraw from the situation. One part got me thinking that that’s all there is to it and another part of me also thinking that it’s so difficult to accomplish whatever there is. I take a step back from this whole thing and just feel like “drop everything now meet me in the pouring rain kiss me on the sidewalk take away the pain” (HAHA sorry that Taylor reference was so Swift). Just to lighten the mood up but also hoping to bring a message across.

It really scares me how there’re so many possibilities that can happen in the future. Yet thinking about all these possibilities also seem like there’s all there is to happen.

I find that ironic. How could I ever come up with such a conflicting argument. I hate instances like these because it usually strikes me dysfunctional for a couple moments- seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, maybe even years?

All in all, let me move onto the quote now.

“The main problem of choosing what to do in life boils down to simple math: every hour you spend on one pursuit is one less spent on another. This problem is so paralyzing that some people never even choose.”
(Just in case you forgot)

Seems like there’s a hidden notion of the meaning of opportunity cost in the statement. For every hour you spend on something, you have less for another. Which also seems pretty logical for the most part.

However, the real part of the quote that resonated with me was that “This problem is so paralyzing that some people never even choose.”

Which kinda struck a chord in me. I have always been all about that procrastination and instant gratification kind of gal so I choose the easy way out most of the times. Instead of studying, I play. Instead of working, I sleep. Instead of sleeping, I play. Yeah goes round and round, I’m ashamed that I am/ was(?) like that (before?) too. It has always been easier and the last minute all-nighters usually used to work too.

And now, since it doesn’t really work anymore, I just want change.

Create

Image result for cheshire cat quotes

She’s never really truly cared for anything. All along she’s been cruising through the roads. Floating wherever the waves took her. She’s been so well-sheltered that she has never had the need to actually care for nothing. Hence, she didn’t really care for anything enough.

A crossroad. She stopped in her tracks. One of the most important decisions that she has to make this time around. Since all her years, she took the path that was paved for her. They said follow the yellow brick road, it takes you where you want to be. And so she did but did not at the same time. She deviated from where she should be. Since most things were given to her, she never had to work for it. And in all its entirety, it came back to her at the crossroad.

And this time, she’s all alone too. So, what should she do?

Image result for crossroad

There were a few downhills that she stumbled and tumbled in the past experience. When she was all on her own, she fell. Her wrong turns led her real downhill and now she’s trying to stand up, she’s trying to get back up.

She wants to fight for what she wants. Her heart wants what it wants. After being acquainted with the real world out there, she too wants a piece of the pie. She’s wants something she can call her own.

She’s willing to fight everything out to keep going another day. She was weak, now she’s coming back. Stronger than ever.

Let me introduce you to her child-
her creation

It’s beautiful

Image result for cheshire cat quotes

Daily Prompt: Create

Salvation

There’s more things to get upset in the world than merely over yourself/ your life. I don’t understand how humans can be so self-absorbed sometimes. Take a look at the other things going on around you other than solely merely caring about just your very own self. If you could help a buddy out/ save the earth/ alleviate poverty. Maybe then we’ll learn how to appreciate and be grateful for what we’ve got. It don’t make sense to you? Neither does it to me. It’s that simple. Life’s as complicated as you want it to be. Just living to see another day is a blessing in itself.

Good lord the world really needs saving.

Most girls

You know some days you feel so good in your own skin
But it’s okay if you wanna change the body that you came in
‘Cause you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen
We’re all just playing a game in a way, trying to win at life

Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful
Most girls, work hard, go far, we are unstoppable
Most girls, our fight to make every day, no two are the same
I wanna be like, I wanna be like, most girls

Most girls, our fight to make every day, no two are the same
I wanna be like…

Most girls