It’s all in your head

This week has been rough. To provide a legitimate reason?


“So what’s the matter?”

“What’s the issue?”

“Why’re you being like that?”

“I have never seen you like that”


I guess, I don’t know what to say. All these questions that I myself don’t have the answers to and I have to account them to you other people.

It’s overwhelming.

I guess, that’s the cause of my concerns.


(and mildly provoking my existential crisis)
((brace yourself for rant ahead))

It’s messed up. I don’t really understand why people ask me questions related to what I want to do in the future. Like tbh 99.99% of these people don’t even care (ok I shan’t use this to create a debacle about how superficial society is nowadays) but it triggers me internally. Because firstly, I don’t even know for sure what I want myself. I know what I like and certain things that I want to go into but I don’t 100% know what I want to do for the rest of my damned life okay?! Secondly, if I have not even accounted to myself I don’t see why I have to account to you. Yeah yeah yeah I understand that you might be “interested” or like its good small talk conversation or like good to broaden your horizons. But whatever the hell you’re doing has placed me in a bad situation. Yeah yeah yeah how’re you supposed to know that, I don’t know but it’s pissing me off when you say things like “do you even know how absurd you sound right now” just because what I haven’t figured out seems to matter so much to you. Good lorde get a grip and run your own life instead don’t run mine for me just leave me alone and let me do me uRGH!

TLDR; this week has been yet another one of the existential crisis weeks and meeting a douche bag and then relapsing into a reclused shell.

So yeah, maybe it’s pride but I have somewhat managed to see the brighter picture. Let go of the rest and just do what I want to because all those side comments are but just side comments. Still, it’s a lesson (even to myself now that I think about it) that people will be affected about the things you say so be cautious of what you put across.

Finding that inner zen within.

The rest?

It’ll fall into place

(I hope)



Please ask me

Please ask me what’s wrong

Please ask me what’s bothering me

Please ask me if I need help
(Because I do)

Please ask me if I’m alright

Please ask me why I’m acting strange

Please ask me even if I don’t want to talk about it
(Because I actually do)

Please ask me to break into tears
(Because I almost want to)

Please talk to me

Please listen when I talk
(Because I really need you to)

Please answer my calls
(for help)

I’d really,


hate to bother you


Please ask me


Is all I ask of you


Is when

You can literally feel your heart jumping out of your chest

It’s when

You can feel the saliva filling your mouth from the back of your throat

It’s when

You can feel yourself trembling and not because you’re in a cold room

It’s when

All your senses are heightened to a point you just feel like screaming it out

Breaking down

Tearing all your hair off your head

Panicking because you think they’re looking at you strange

Finding the quickest escape route as if you’re in a danger zone

You feel as if you are

You know you are

When others around you can laugh at everything

And then there’s you,

Just laughing along

Just to make it seem like

You’re okay


What’s it like to feel like

You’re okay?

What’s it like to feel normal?

What’s it like?

You never know the answers anymore

You used to be so certain

Now you’re ascertaining

You just want to hide

In the corner

All alone

With silence


Hello Silence

My old friend

It’s nice to meet you once again

You know that they know

But you still try to mask these vulnerabilities

You’re hurting

But they don’t know

They don’t know

What’s it like to feel-

Do you?