This week has been rough. To provide a legitimate reason?
“So what’s the matter?”
“What’s the issue?”
“Why’re you being like that?”
“I have never seen you like that”
I guess, I don’t know what to say. All these questions that I myself don’t have the answers to and I have to account them to
you other people.
I guess, that’s the cause of my concerns.
(and mildly provoking my existential crisis)
((brace yourself for rant ahead))
It’s messed up. I don’t really understand why people ask me questions related to what I want to do in the future. Like tbh 99.99% of these people don’t even care (ok I shan’t use this to create a debacle about how superficial society is nowadays) but it triggers me internally. Because firstly, I don’t even know for sure what I want myself. I know what I like and certain things that I want to go into but I don’t 100% know what I want to do for the rest of my damned life okay?! Secondly, if I have not even accounted to myself I don’t see why I have to account to you. Yeah yeah yeah I understand that you might be “interested” or like its good small talk conversation or like good to broaden your horizons. But whatever the hell you’re doing has placed me in a bad situation. Yeah yeah yeah how’re you supposed to know that, I don’t know but it’s pissing me off when you say things like “do you even know how absurd you sound right now” just because what I haven’t figured out seems to matter so much to you. Good lorde get a grip and run your own life instead don’t run mine for me just leave me alone and let me do me uRGH!
TLDR; this week has been yet another one of the existential crisis weeks and meeting a douche bag and then relapsing into a reclused shell.
So yeah, maybe it’s pride but I have somewhat managed to see the brighter picture. Let go of the rest and just do what I want to because all those side comments are but just side comments. Still, it’s a lesson (even to myself now that I think about it) that people will be affected about the things you say so be cautious of what you put across.
Finding that inner zen within.
It’ll fall into place